• Deborah Charles-Nelson

"Where's My Tribe At?"

Motherhood can be Lonely At Times

Okay, so I'm one to keep it real and this post will be no different. The hard truth is Motherhood can be very lonely at times. There has been so much emphasis on finding your 'tribe' and even I blogged about it but the truth is like any other friendship, finding a tribe or group of like minded mothers that get your way of parenting can be difficult and it has to be ORGANIC and NOT forced. I have to be real, I haven't necessarily found a group of mums that I can all the way call my tribe and that's okay!

Let's start here...

My pregnancy although a little rough (as I had really back sickness) was pretty smooth sailing and the birth of my son was very anticipated. My husband and I would compare the size of our blossoming baby boy to which ever fruit it stated on my pregnancy app every single week without fail! I remember those stages were so fun and full of so much expectation.

But I think what comes next is what a lot of women don't anticipate. I imagined that breastfeeding would be this very easy (boy was I wrong), blissful, organic bonding experience. I visualised that I would watch him grow and meet all his milestones before time. I envisioned these really cute play dates where I would share and confide in other mums on the joys and challenges of motherhood; we would talk about everything from our babies first poo, how to get back into work after a lengthy maternity leave and even the really honest stuff like sex after child birth. I pictured finding “my tribe” an amazing gathering of honest women who would soon become my support system. But it didn't happen that way for me. And when finally becoming a mum became a reality, I learnt quickly that it could get lonely at times.

"Where's my Tribe?"

Yes, I met women at Ethan's play groups but the women there where a lot less open and honest than I anticipated. Most were in the business of comparing their new strollers or swim classes rather than being real and sharing about the very relatable everyday trials and triumphs that I longed for. From then, I realised very quickly that vulnerability and openness is something that is very hard for a lot of people and it a TWO-WAY process. I can't expect people to share their truths if I don't. This is the reason why I started this blog. Being raw, open and honest paves the way for other mums to open up about their truths and feel less alone and give hope to another woman going through it.

You Are More Than Your 'Tribe'

I saw a post on Instagram that said this:

"We are a sad generation with happy pictures."

And boy did that struck a nerve. People may look at my pictures and think I have it all together but sometimes that is not the case, well a lot of the time.

Don't get me wrong, my husband and family were an incredible support system but when I journeyed through the baby blues and postpartum depression I honestly felt so alone regardless of those around me. It's funny how motherhood can bring to the surface so many feelings of inadequacy that you never knew were there.

But I want to finish with this:

Please don't feel that being a good mum means that you have to have this group of sharing 'sisters', that breastfeeding or whatever else is the only way for your baby thrive or that your baby isn't progressing if they haven't met a milestone. Being a mum is so much more than that! It is about living in your truth, living in the moment with your family and doing the best you can for your little one! I share my story not for pity but for hope that any mum struggling right now with depression, loneliness or anxiety that you won't feel so alone.

Lots and Lots of Love,

Simply Deborah xo