• Deborah Charles-Nelson

'Fight Through Fear!'

#fightfear #dreamagain #solitudeisamust #inspiration #encouragement

Are you someone who is always 'on'? (me)

Do you have a list and itinerary for everything? (definitely me)

You've thought out your plans for the rest of the year to no end? (also me)

Countless ideas of new projects swirling around in your head but you still feel unproductive? (guilty!)

Well I think I may have some answers.

The first one being: SOLITUDE

I've come to realise that alone-time is a must. I can get very anxious and often feel like I am not doing enough. My husband says I don't know how to relax because I usually keep going until complete exhaustion. And those who battle with anxiety can relate: you keep yourself busy so you don't have to think, because thinking leads to overthinking, and then we're back to square one. But I've realised that having down-time is not a bad thing; I think having my son has pushed me to appreciate it, especially because now he's so "go, go, go!" at 15 months old. Being alone gives me time to think. Time to think productively that is. I think the best combination is being alone, a lit scented candle, a notepad and a cup of herbal tea (ahh I can see it now, pure bliss).

But on a serious note; It allows those thoughts to settle on paper where you can make them plain. Writing down your plans and goals makes them real; they aren't just ideas or unfinished projects anymore, but real thought-out tasks that can be, and will be achieved. Think about it, when you write something down, for example a shopping list, you're more likely to come home with everything you set out to get, and if needed, you can look back on your list to jog your memory, right? It's the same thing with your goals. You can look back on what you have written down and remind yourself of your dreams. I remember writing down a list of goals back in 2012 that I wanted to achieve. Some of them being: achieving a 1st class degree, becoming a mentor and even losing weight. Listen! I got real specific with this list too (I can't go into all the details). I prayed on it and gave it over to God, and now looking back, I achieved every single thing on that list. So write down your plans. I dare you to dream again. Dream BIG. Bigger than you ever have, you never know where you might end up.

I have also found that solitude helps you to remove some of your distractions and allows you to be more efficient at your tasks. It's usually when my son is napping that I get to write for my blog, because I'm inspired to write when I'm alone with my thoughts. I find my voice again and I do things that I like to do, with no influence from anyone else. But remember, with everything balance is essential. Being alone doesn't always mean you need to complete another task on your list; sometimes you need to re-charge, do nothing and be at one with yourself.

I saw a quote on Instagram that said this:

"if you quit now, you'll end up right back where you first began. And when you first began you were desperate to be where you are right now."

Which brings me to my next point. Appreciate where you are right in this moment, and then when you do, KEEP GOING! When you finally start that project, that new job, or weight-loss journey, you must keep going. The world is waiting on your fruit, they are waiting on that thing that only you can complete successfully. World-changers aren't made in a day, or even a couple years. You have to hustle; hustle beats talent every single time. You have to keep chipping away at the stone to make it to the other side.

Don't let your anxieties stop you from starting something new. I myself have realised that there is a 'good' type of fear and you may always feel nervous, a little afraid or anxious when you're beginning a new job, organising your first show, singing at that all anticipated gig or even becoming a new mum. Trust me, I have felt that fear. But the fear you feel when you are propelling yourself in a new direction – when you are taking a leap of faith and finally banking on yourself to win for once – is the kind of fear you need. You've heard that saying:

"Feel the fear and do it anyway."

Yes. Do it anyway. Put on your big-woman boots and go it afraid, because you are bigger and better than what is making you fearful or anxious. So, this September – the ninth month of the year – it's time to give birth to your dreams! Do what sets your soul on fire!

Don't let your fear of failure stop you from starting. It's okay to fail. Failing is a product of action. It's a learning experience. Failing allows you to fully realise what didn't work for the next time you attempt it. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." Just make sure you keep trying. Don't get discouraged and throw in the towel. The greatest and most inspirational success stories are the ones that win despite their failures. Look at Denzel Washington; he performed his first play at the theatre he auditioned at and failed 30 years prior. Sometimes failing is the best way to find out where you need to be. Have you ever found that you try something and really suck at it, but in that pursuit, you find your real purpose. If you look at failure differently you won't be afraid of it, because failure is a product of action, but so is winning.

I think Lancôme said it best, "be your own idol". It's great to look outward for your goals and inspirations, but I truly believe all that you need is inside of you. I used to have pictures stored in my phone of inspirational fitness body goals, and after having my baby I deleted all of them. Most of them didn't have my body type and, in all honesty were just very unrealistic. So whilst it was great to have some encouragement, I still had to look inside myself and focus on me. Since having my son, I've lost 54 lbs, which is a massive achievement, and guess what, I look nothing like the pictures I was aspiring towards – and THAT'S OKAY. Remember, the world is waiting for you and what you have to offer, not someone else through you. You never know who you will reach with the gifts and talents that are buried within you. You'll never know the impact you would've made until you start. I posted a video of me singing last Easter and put it on my Instagram highlight feed. At that time, I never knew who it would reach and I could never have predicted that a young woman would play it over and over again to her sick aunt – who is responding! I say this to say: do not sit on your gift; it's not fair for the people who you are meant to reach and haven't. My faith has made me understand that now.

And lastly, manifest your own happy place. Don't wait on your friends, your work colleagues, or even your partner to make you happy. You are in charge of your energy. Practice self-care, and self-love daily, and that includes daily affirmation and reading the Word. Protect your magic! Dream Big! And Keep Going!

Simply Deborah